Winter puts me in the (worst) mood.

Alas, this blog has been left to gather dust once more over the past few weeks. I’ve been working full-time and commuting more hours every weekday than I can tolerate. I’ve made a start on a new blog! Once it’s up and running, I’ll link to it here.

The job hunt is proving impossible. When I first got back to London, I was applying to things every day. Now I’ve reached a point where I’m doubting my own employability and one application every week is an achievement. I guess it’s inevitable. I and thousands like me were led to believe that we should aim high – go to university and work hard to fill our CVs with work experience – but have now met a brick wall armed with only plastic spoons to try to demolish it. I should be thankful that I have a job. Though there are no prospects for me there and there is little chance that I’ll save enough to do a master’s degree if I don’t find a way out, it is a job nonetheless. There’s no gaping hole in my CV that I’ll have to explain away.

I keep coming across the term ‘Bank of Mum and Dad’, and it reminds me that I’m reading newspapers that aren’t aimed at people from my financial background. There is no ‘Bank of Mum and Dad’ to help me in times of need – there is no such thing for people in much worse positions than mine. People might joke about the recession but its effects are profound, long-term and widespread. I suppose because I and people like me were promised a way out of the financial struggles of our parents, the effects of this recession are glaringly obvious to us. Our parents can’t fund our further education and no-one will hire us for a worthy wage, so we are stuck behind the brick wall, watching our wealthier peers jump over it or circumvent it – they can afford to work for free in internships or embark on expensive master’s programmes.

I’m trying to use my current situation for personal good. I’ve picked up my guitar again and am easing myself back into songwriting after a long hiatus. I want to make time to read more and keep myself active. An evening course is another possibility. I’m scrambling for ways to stop myself from giving up entirely and just sleeping and working – a kind of self-validation separate from other people and the dreaded job market.

FML

Our kitten was trying to tell me not to leave by refusing to move from the top of my suitcase. It seems someone else out there (*gestures to the cosmos*) didn’t want me to go either because my passport went missing and instead of being most of my way through a flight to Jakarta, I’m still here in London. FML.

So now for a fortnight of mad chasing of a new passport (£97…ouccccch), another flight (£££…) and my insurance company. Yaaay. When I could be halfway across the world with the cutest kids eating nice food. There are some perks to still being at home, but I’m feeling pretty sad.

I’ve got an interview on Tuesday for a translating job that will last about 2 days. The task is for a documentary translating interviews in Indonesian into English subtitles. The guy interviewing me didn’t believe that my mother is Indonesian because I have an Irish surname. Hmm. If I say my mother is Indonesian and don’t say that my parents are Indonesian, what does that imply? That my father (from whom I inherit my surname) isn’t Indonesian also, perhaps? Such foolishness. I had to tell him my full name (with Indonesian middle names) to “prove myself”, as it were.

I came across yet more foolishness during the week from someone at work. He didn’t realise that neither of my parents are English because my accent is ’so posh’. You know, because all second-generation kids have to talk in a thick south London accent. He’s been quite indifferent to me all year because he wrote me off as a spoilt rich kid, purely on the basis of the way I speak. I could prove myself and tell him that I got into private school for free because my mum taught me at home, that I worked throughout my degree to fund myself, that I grew up in Croydon and not even in one of the rich areas and that I have worked damn hard for everything I have and have yet more hard work ahead of me. What would I be proving? That I too judge books by their covers? That I make assumptions about people on the basis of the way they look and speak? That I’m an exception to the rule? That would show only that the rule exists. The man is a lecturer at work and is an immigrant himself. You would think he might know a thing or two about jumping to conclusions.

I’m just making a start on The Bottom Billion: Why the Poorest Countries are Failing and What Can be Done About It by Paul Collier. I read Collier last year for a development course, so I’ll be interested to get stuck into this book. Be prepared for an inevitable rant in the forseeable future!

Fine fine fine, very good very good very good.

Last little bits from Mexico! Might have some more on offer if I dig around a bit. Will have to have a look. Steph and I got wing tattoos on my last day I’d been thinking about it for a while and we found a guy who was really good at tattooing wings so it was clearly fate! I absolutely love it.

Back to work next week. Meep. Then the day-long journey to Indonesia at the end of July. The Mexico journey really took it out of me. I’ve slept for approximately 15 out of the last 24 hours… At least I’ve got a few days off to adjust!